Romance Scams: How to Spot Them Before It’s Too Late

Romance scammers can prey on anyone, and often when victims least expect it. It’s important to be aware of romance scams to protect yourself and family or friends who may be targets. 

What’s a romance scam? 

A romance scam occurs when a criminal uses a fake online identity or persona to gain a victim’s trust and creates an illusion of a romantic relationship to steal their money or identity. 

“But they said they love me” 

A common refrain from victims is how the scammer assured them repeatedly they were in love. It typically starts with a social media message. They might say they saw your photo and really want to get to know you. Scammers are patient and persistent, often messaging for weeks or months to build familiarity or trust. 

Sometimes the message begins as a simple “hi”. The scammer hopes you’ll respond to start a dialog. They’ll have researched you to find identifying information you’ve posted elsewhere on social media (your birthday, work place, recent vacation, friends or family). If you follow a snorkeling group, they’ll coincidentally love snorkeling too. Have family in Ireland? Guess what — so do they. Scammers quickly move conversations to WhatsApp, Signal, Google Chat or other messaging platforms to avoid detection controls. 

They will soon bring up money issues. Scammers develop such a strong bond that victims often provide access to their accounts and can lose all their money. Even worse, victims inadvertently end up laundering money through their personal accounts, which is a federal offense.  

Scammers are masters at manipulating victims into isolating themselves so they don’t tell family or friends about the secret relationship. Surprising stats about romance scams: 

• 73% of victims are male who tend to be too embarrassed to report them
• 40% report that the scam began on social media 
• Americans lost more than a $1 Billion in 2023 — with the typical loss being about $4,000 per victim, with many victims losing their life savings 
• Gift cards were the tool most often used. Be suspicious of anyone urging you to purchase gift cards 

Targeting seniors too 

If you have older family members, please be aware that they are prime targets as they typically have higher assets, may be lonely, and aren’t familiar with these scams. Help educate them about online scams and look for clues that they may be hiding something from you or suddenly withdrawing large sums of money. Many victims feel embarrassed and may hide their situation from family or friends. 

What to watch out for

Here are some more romance scam red flags to watch out for: 

• Someone who claims to be from the US but “working/living/traveling” abroad or out of the area, so in-person meetings are not possible 
• Asks for help cashing checks, opening accounts or wiring funds 
• Refuses to meet in person or on a video call 

Please read more about these scams, including romance investment scams, in our Security Resource Center.